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Google, Y U no like my Doodle?

Patrick Mallon recently sent in an idea for a Google Doodle. Surprisingly, Google considered it (albeit for several seconds), and then ultimately declined. Looks like he’s going back to the drawing board…

From: Google Doodles <mail-noreply@google.com>
Date: Tuesday, November 15, 2011 1:13 PM
To: Patrick Mallon
Subject: Re: I thinks you’re gonna love-love my doodle

Mr. Mallon,

While we appreciate your interest in submitting a Google Doodle, we typically never accept submissions unless we are conducting a contest. Usually we would send you our standard response, but yours required special attention.

Firstly, Google is not a place for pornographic, scat, or sensual images. While our search engine is sometimes used to provide end users with results of that nature, Google Inc. does not celebrate these searches.

Secondly, your submission is confusing. You suggest that your image can be used for an array of commemorative occasions, but its individual components do not support a unified theme.

Thirdly, it is vile. Please do not send us any future submissions. Doing so can be viewed as indecent behavior that we at Google will not tolerate. Proper authorities will be notified if this becomes a trend.

However, again, we appreciate your enthusiasm and hope you continue to use our products.

Best Regards,

The Google Doodle Staff

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From: Patrick Mallon
Date: Tuesday, November 8, 2011 10:22 PM
To: Google Doodles <doodle4google-usteam@google.com>
Subject: I thinks you’re gonna love-love my doodle

Hi Doodles Doods,

I am so excited about my Google Doodle and I think you are going to love it.

I think it would be a perfect tribute for the following dates or events:
• Sexual awareness month
• Some awesome guy’s birthday such as:
· Ron Jeremy
· Wilt Chamberlain
· Dave Navarro
· Caligula
• Bill Clinton’s inauguration anniversary
• Body part awareness
• Valentine’s day
• Mother’s day
• Scat Porn (just in general)

Now, I know you need to know all of the nitty-gritty details about how I made it so you can add it to the about page. Well, I drew it with pen and pencil and then colored it in Photoshop. The great thing about Photoshop is that you can change it anyway you please. Here is the original (and preferred) doodle:


You’ll notice that the “G” is a butt, the “oo” is boobs, the “gl” is a cock and balls, and the “e” is a turd. Very nice. But if you would rather keep your original colors, here is a version you may like better:


I’m cool if you use either. I’ll leave the balls in your court, Google!

OK, guys. I’m out. If you want me to do more doodles in the future, just let me know.

High fives!

Patrick Mallon